Playing mind games.

So lost in confusion,

Nothing to gain, but far too much to lose,

Disorientation in my brain,

This is a game I cannot win,

Your words are like poison,

Running through my veins,

It's pain I cannot bear,

You always seem to have the answers,

I don't understand,

I always search for comfort,

Inside intoxicating dreams,

It's my abuse that pushes you,

Away...

You ripped right through my walls,

I can't rebuild from this,

You have broken through,

I worked my way inside your head,

Just to push you far away... with these mind games,

But still you seem to stay,

Maybe I cause you so much pain,

To try and make this end,

And you hate my drunken rages,

I hurt you with my words,

Still you push right back,

Right back in to me,

I hurt myself to punish you,

And I hurt you just the same,

My wounds will bleed but they will fade,

Your mental scars will never even heal,

You ask me why I chastise you for loving me,

There is no answer I can find,

Maybe I'm just scared...

Afraid of what you bring,

Loving me, was never easy anyway,

Loving you is all I fear.

My day begins and ends with thoughts of you,

When my sky is grey you brighten the day,

Even in this rain my feelings remain postive,

Thunderstorms

My pedastal is broken I have fallen off,

Since you walked away from me I cannot hold on,

Falling so hopelessly,

Coping so pathetically,





You can see the truth behind the lies,

And you sense the sadness hidden by a smile,



Even my eyes cannot deny,

You know me better than I even know myself,

I don't understand it, this is crazy,

But even so I will go with it...



And hidden depths remain touched by you,

You feel beyond what I expose,

You know that it is just my war paint you see,

You're breaking through in to the real me,





I am afraid of all you promise me,

The sparkle in your eyes



You understand I speak my mind,

And my words often have another meaning,

Playing mind games,

I'll hurt you now,

I'll break you down,

I'm hunting you,

My screams are the only sound,

You fear what

You're always breathing down my neck,

Do you know you suffocate me?

Drowning me with your aggression,

Abusing me with your obsession...

Intoxication.

You make me cry,
I'm slowly dying on the inside,
There's a darkness in your eyes,
So beautiful a loss you find,

I'll punish myself for loving you,
With nothing inside torture doesn't break through,
Emptiness is all I feel,
A wound you left will never heal,

The wine tastes bitter sweet to me,
It has the potential promise I need to hear,
You deny me the will to live,
For this I drink myself to death,
It is my sorrow you'll regret,
Never hold out thy hand to me,
I will deny thy help to save my soul,
Already lost, far gone, exposed,

Intoxicate my mind tonight,
It is thy drink I crave for now,

You burn me,

I enjoy the pain to some extent,

But I hate your mind games,

You break me,

I spend forever trying to fix these shattered pieces,

And I drink because I crave your taste,

I enjoy your sweet intoxication washing over me,

Your drug like feeling consumes me,

I enjoy the lack of consciousness,

Awareness is not all it seems,

You scare me,

Beaten down by all you bring,

You lie to me,

Behind the beauty of your eyes,

But they're still lies,

You're still not mine!

Would you turn and walk away,

Through all my difficulties,

Maybe it is what I want,

But I need you to stay with me,

Although I'll never tell you this,

My heart is bleeding,

I am not myself,

You bring out the best and worst of me,

But you still seem to try,

Even though I keep pushing you away,

I

This day is slowly killing me,

Each moment is like another blade,

I breath again death won't take this pain,

No one understands the silence is what I crave,

It's n

From my heart...

The darkness clouds my mind,

Day fades to night,

The grey clouds follow me around,

Like they are bound to my depressive mood,

You break my heart with all you say,

Then you put it back together again,

You're so right,

Your words are right,

That's why we fight,

It's all I want,

Yet it is out of reach,

You're too far from me,

Come closer please let me touch you,

Your words are strong,

You have no doubt,

I'm weakened by your confidence,

In everything you do,

I love everything you do,

You never quit,

Too determined,

I'm pushing you away still,

I think you enjoy the difficulties,

I'm not easy to figure out,

That's what you like,

You know I'm right,

You've cracked my wall,

It's tumbling down,

You see the darkness inside,

Don't run and hide,

I'll let you in,

Just be my light,

You're far too strong,

It unnerves me,

I'm not used to your sweetness or your strengh,

You made me hide,

I tried too hard to be what you were looking for,

What are you looking for?

I can be whatever you want,

Am I what you want?

Come quickly please,

Waiting is killing me,

Don't ever turn away,

You know you're all I need,

Your kiss is what I need,

Just love me please,

Be mine just be with me!

You make me cry,
I'm slowly dying on the inside,
Wishing I could see beyond the glimmer of your eyes,
They tell me lies,

Your voice so soft your words so sweet,
Beautiful to me,
Your lips speak of wondrous things,
Your words are lies,

All you promised will never happen,

Your face is like a vision to me,

You make me cry,

I'm slowly dying on the inside,

Wishing I could see beyond the glimmer of your eyes,

They tell me lies,

Don't tell me lies,

I'm falling faster than I can control,

You won't catch me I'm already gone,

You made me smile,

For the first time in years...

I'm still bleeding,

You complicate my life,

With the questions in your mind,

The words you speak are sweet,

Beautiful to me,

Your mouth it tells me lies,

Don't tell me lies...

I'm slowly dying on the inside,

We're floating here,

This moment is pleasant,

Don't break this silence,

Stop thinking now,

I don't need to hear it again,

Like a knife your words cut right through me,

My heart bleeds for you,

You're telling me one thing,

I read between the lines,

Your words are lies,

Just say what is on your mind tonight,

Don't hide behind condescending demeanor,

Tell me what you want,

I'll give it all,

Just tell me the truth.

Seeking pain,

Awaiting the light,

At the end of every tunnel darkness is all I find,

Breaking through the wall you've built up,

You're blocking my love again,

Your presence here weakens me,

You're always right it unnerves me,

I'm afraid of your confidence,

What you bring is uncertainty,

Closer to me.

If I hold my tongue,

My silence is only to please you,

Try to keep you sweet so,

Maybe you'll eventually try to see beyond the smoke screen,

That I'm presenting you with,

It's how I hide my feelings,

To keep me from harming me,

Will you smash the walls I've built around myself,

If it's my heart you're seeking,

Maybe that's the way to go,

But just promise me this one thing,

Even when I push you far away with my difficult phases,

Don't ever leave me alone here,

To deal with all the pain...

I create my own distractions,

Look for faults that don't exist,

It's a coping mechanism,

To avoid a broken heart further down the line...

I try to make an effort,

Regardless of the consequences,

Mindlessly climbing obstacles in my path,

It leads me straight back to these complications,

And I don't seem to mind them,

The reward seems to defeat the difficulties.

You're trying to convince me,

Life can be worth living,

When there is just one thing...

That helps to keep me smiling,

You're pushing closer to me,

I turn and run away,

Hiding from the confusion that you bring me,

I'm trying to hurt you to make you go away,

Don't understand what you see,

In someone as crazy as me,

You're moving closer still,

I'll keep pushing you far away with my insanity,

Why don't you leave me,

Not so sure I understand this?

If you decide to pursue this,

Just remember that I'll push back,

To protect my fragile heart from you,

If you can push beyond this,

Maybe we could be...!

Diabolically deceptive,
Emotively unresponsive,

Ignorance would be bliss,

But I cannot escape this mentality,

Stuck in a world of brutality,

You make me feel pathetic,

A broken shell of my old self,

Cowered in a corner,

Crying in to my hands,

The stress is far too much...

Searching for an answer,

It doesn't come in pill form,

Mores the pity still,

I rely upon the feeling that citalopram can give me,

When I'm feeling blue.

The confusion of it all!

All your words are hazy,
I'm trying to take an interest,
But it matters not me,
We come from different backgrounds,
We live in different worlds.

Do we have anything in common?
Is this just a phase,
I don't know or understand you,
But yet I still trust you far more than I can say,

We'll try to come together,
See what happens then,

You tell me that you're falling,
Well I've already fallen,
Trying to pick myself up again,
You're making me insane now,
But I seem to enjoy the pain of never seeing your face,

I try to tell you not to worry,
We will be alright,
Got to roll with all the punches,
Take one day at a time.

Don't over analyse this,
You're creating your own complexities,
I'll not suffocate you,

Won't tell you how to live.

Words have little meaning,

But they mean so much to me,

I'm trying to explain to you,

I doubt you will understand....

When you're not around I'm losing my mind,

I go insane,

Whenever you're talking to me I feel so close to you...

This situation is crazy,

My mind is over thinking,

And all I want to say is I'm so in love with you,

I just want to get so close to you.

I try to tell you not to worry,

We will be alright,

Got to roll with all the punches,

Take one day at a time.

Don't over analyse this,

You're creating your own complexities,

Diabolically deceptive,

Emotively unresponsive,

You make me feel pathetic,

When you treat me like this...

If I say let's run away together,

Would you come just to be with me,

Far from the evil of this lonely place,

Let's see where the road may end,

If I speak your name when you're not around,

Will you know that I need you now?

Can you read my mind when I need you to,

I bleed.

You stole my sparkle once again,
My eyes gaze vacantly now,
I cut myself to take revenge on you,
My thoughts consist of suicidal tendencies,
There's not one answer to this pain,

I fell so far,
You broke my heart,
I tried to run,
Before I could even walk,

Because of you...
My mind is chained,
My heart still breaks,
I tried to leave but was drawn back in to this despondency.

And I realise,
Until the end of my days,

You will forever haunt me,
I will never be free of this tormenting residence,

My living hell,
You drag me down,
I'm fighting for breath,
But I will drown inside these flames...

My abyss awaits,

Do not delay your ever fierce contempt for me,

You asked me once,

And why yes I do bleed!

obstreperous mind...

The voices in my mind are never ending,

No silence, no rest,

A constant racket in head,

No one voice states the same,

Crazy endless stupidity,

Crowded by such a pretty form of insanity,

The screaming begins to deafen me,

You make me laugh, you make me cry,

I smile outside, Inside I die,

I'm always dreaming but I never sleep,

A restless soul with little energy,

You drain me of every positive part of me.

All the whispers come at once,

I don't understand what these voices want,

Why won't you leave my mind today?

You're talking over each other,

And all at once you scream my name,

What would it take for you to get out of my head,

Leave me to scrape back all of my mind that is left.

Love is...?

I love you, I hate you,

I need you, but I don't want to,

Let's leave this all behind,

I'm going out of my mind over you!

My life has been turned upside down,

Don't waste my time again.

I cry, you say it's alright,

We fell, but I am still falling for you,

You see the light,

I'm standing in the darkness that you left me with!

I think about you all the time,

You don't even know I'm alive...

If I tell you I love you, will you leave me tonight?

It's raining in the vision of my mind,

I am alone, In a crowded place,

I see your haunting face,

Tell me what do you see of me?

Because I thought I heard you say you love me too?!

Bleak existence...

Each lesson I've learnt,

All the knowledge I have gained,

For that I owe you so much,

The pain you brought,

In life it taught me to better protect my trusting heart,

I'm not over it yet,

It's still burns inside,

But the prescription drugs are clearing my mind,

I still feel your breath on the back of my neck,

Hear your voice calling my name,

See your face waiting for me in the rain...

You were my hero once,

You rescued me from living a lie,

But then you once again broke me down,

In to this pitiful life!