The sun that lights my darkness,

The stars that shine through my nightmares,

Each little wonder, an image of you,

My whole world would come apart without you,

I still remember the first time i saw you,

I loved you straight away,

My sweet little angel,

I'll always feel this way.

So many years have passed,

Trying to change you,

Make you a better version of you,

But it only changed me,

Staring in the mirror,

Who is this i see,

A messier version of me,

I guess this is what my friends mean,

When they say they don't know me,

I don't understand where i went wrong,

Trying so hard, but you're not the one,

Look at my pictures,

Such a difference,

How happy i looked,

Stranger.

I'm looking at you now,
But i don't know who you are,
Standing here a stranger,
I don't recognise your face,

The way you're looking at me is like you can't stand the sight,
When we're in a crowd
Pretending we are brilliant lovers,
When, in real life we really hate each other,

You follow me around its like i can't be trusted,

When I'm with my friends,

You're always getting jealous,

You keep breaking all my things,

You can't control your temper,

And i can't say a thing without you shouting shut up,

I gave you everything even through this,

I guess i am a fool, because i always give up,

When I've packed my things, i always come back,

You're acting like there is always someone better,

She's walking by, you pretend you're not my fella.

Every time we fight you're making new promises,

When it comes around you're breaking all you promised,

I know you never thought i would walk out on you,

But i know i can find somebody better,

And now its been a while, you're walking over to me,

I'm looking through you, i don't need to hear it,

Begging for another chance,

A thousand times doesn't change the fella,

I changed my mind i don't need your anger.

I gave you my all, so please return the favour,


Come drink from this river,
Intensity and flavour,
Love is all we have in this life,
So swim and meet me half way,
Don't expect to always get your own way,


I can't only hold on for too long,
Before this love will die,
I'm drowning now, please save me,


I keep waiting,
I need to hear you say,
What are you feeling?
If you love me, i need to know it,

Life is crazy, But i ride along with it,
I don't know what is real,
Except for this

Cross roads.

Life cannot always go your way,
You take what you get,
Its not fair, but that is it,
Come whatever may,
I will wait till this ends,

I know you need me,
But you will never say,
I don't understand why this is,

This empty ride keeps driving me insane,

Tell me what did you say,

Because i thought i heard,

You love me?

You keep on running,

I won't stand in your way,

My love, it will never end,

But please believe when i say,

If you leave that is it!

Make up products.

I have just purchased some new make up sets, an NYX 96 lip pallette, Fräulein3°8 88 Color Eyeshadow Palette + 21 Brushes Kit ?(which is very similar to the coastal scents 88 pallete, the colours are pretty much the same) and a technic hide it concealer pallete. I bought these online, because i wanted to try and find some new make up looks and good concealers, which i will post how good these are when i have tried them out.


First the technic concealer pallette has four colours, afterglow, dewkist, nude and sand. This is supposed to be really good for covering up red patches or spots.

The afterglow is for helping the skin appear brighter, and can be used under the eyes (before under eye concealer) to cover up tired eyes and dark circles.


The dewkist helps cover blemishes and tones down redness. And is to be used before concealing, i got this pallette for this colour because i suffer from an occasional skin irritation due to an intolerance to cheese (i have sensitive skin), this causes me to get really big sore red spots, which turn in to very noticeable scabs. The skin around this area gets very dry and hard to cover up (this rash takes a few days to go down, and lots of E45 cream and spot treatment, see "how to get spot free skin" article), so i wanted to see if this concealer pallette could in any way improve the way skin looks until this rash goes down again.


The nude colour can be used to brighten skin and camouflage discolouration or as an eye shadow base. This one i will use after the dewkist to cover the spots a bit more, and after i will use my usual concealer, which is bourjois (stick concealer) in light, the bourjois is very good for my skin tone because i am very pale skinned, so it fits with my tone and it gives great coverage of spots.

The sand colour can be used as a concealer. Mixes well with the nude colour to create a perfect cover up colour. But because my skin is pale, this would stand out on my skin so i won't use this particular colour. But if you find it difficult getting the right concealer for your skin, i would highly recommend buying this from ebay or Amazon and mixing with a lighter or darker (depending on your skin tone) concealer stick colour to get the perfect concealer colour for you.


The NYX pallette has 96 beautiful colours, which can be mixed for a whole new shade if you can't find the one you are looking for, or you can use the colours as they come. I find many of reds and nudes in this pallette are great colours, they work well with my skin. So if you want to look this pallette up and see if these colours are for you, i will post the link. It is quite a good online site:

http://www.fragrancedirect.co.uk/NYX/NYX-Lip-Palette-96-Colours/invt/0025011?source=122_46

The Fräulein3°8 88 Color Eyeshadow Palette, has from what i can tell the same colours as the coastal scents 88 pallette, the colours are very beautiful with many peaches, pinks, greens, blues, purples, oranges, browns and silver/ greys, it also has a nice black colour, ideal for smokey looks or can be used as a smudgy eye liner.. The pallette i bought came with 21 make up brushes, which has pretty much everything you need for great make up application - except it doesn't have a foundation brush. The picture at the top of the page is similar to the one i have, but the colours are not quite the ones i would go for as shown in this picture, i am not big on pinks really. On the pallette i bought it has some lovely purple colours. i love the blues as well. But my favourite colours are the smokey brown colours and silver/ greys.

I use my lancome foundation brush, which i got for free from the make up stand as a first time buyer of their products. I use a foundation brush rather than sponges, because i find it gives better coverage and smooths on better. Whereas a sponger absorbs a lot of the product and doesn't blend in with the skin as well. So you can just sort of see the foundation sitting on the skin. With a brush it blends the foundation with the skin making it look completely natural. Which is what you want with foundation really.

24Th February

I have now tried out these products, i was surprised just how great they are. The concealer pallette really helped to cover the red rash on my face. The eyeshadow pallette had great colours and although it doesn't look like there is much in this pallette, only a tiny amount is needed, it really goes a long way. I found just holding the brush on the colours was enough, whereas when i dabbed the eyeshadow with my brush, there was too much on the brush to blend or shape the eyeshadow. Lastly the lip pallette colours are amazing, i had to use lip balm or gloss with them as well to get a really wet lip look, but it lasted longer than my usual lipsticks do. I would definitely recommend these products. And there are some great videos on youtube for make up looks for the coastal scents 88 pallette, which is the same as the one i am using.

The sheltered life.

Standing in the corner, you're watching over me,

Waiting for my mistake,

I know that i can't live this way.

I let go, just to see how it could be,

Life outside this imprisonment,

Mental cage, invisible but its still there,

All these rules restricting my identity,

With just one glance, my nerves are shot,

I won't move until my time is up,

Punishment, i guess i brought this on myself,

I tried to escape my cell, but the bars are way to strong,

Installed by the fear you bring,

Just one word,

And i am begging baby please,

I need the air to breath,

I need my eyes to see,

And freedom releases me,

If i can't grow, I'll bleed,

Like a bird that needs its room to fly,

I need my room to be,

So please let go of me,

Its my time, to leave!

Eyelash loss.

I wanted to cover this problem because i myself suffer from excessive eyelash loss, not many people know how to handle it, nor do they know that it is something which in most cases can be helped depending on the individual and the initial problem or cause of loss.

First of all a look at lifestyle, health, diet, stress levels etc can help pin point what causes eyelash and sometimes hair loss.

I will list some of the causes which are more easily noticeable first.

Eye make up. If you have recently changed brands this can cause irritation, which may lead to excessive rubbing of the eye. Also waterproof mascara is damaging to weak and sensitive lashes. Especially since it takes more effort to remove.

Eye make up remover. When removing eye make up make sure you use the right one for your type of mascara. When removing eye make up do not use make up remover wipes or pads which are already soaked in make up remover, they are less gentle on the eyes and less effective for removal causing you to rub to remove every trace of make up. Instead get some cotton pads or balls and put your own choice of eye make up remover on. Do not rub the eye make up off, just hold the pad on the eye - the eye make should easily be dissolved by the. Use gentle pressure on the eye while doing this.

Eyelash curlers. These put a strain on your lashes, because they tug at them when curling which can cause excessive eyelash loss over time.

Allergic reactions. Sometimes an allergic reaction to some kind of eye product or make up can cause eye lash loss, products such as eye brighteners etc.


Next living conditions which can cause eyelash loss.

Damp. If you live in a damp house this can lead to excessive hair and eyelash loss, due to the unhealthy living conditions.

Mould. This is what you get when living in damp homes, mould which can be the main problem with eyelash loss in this situation.


Health and diet.

Unhealthy diet. If you are not getting the essential vitamins and minerals eventually your body will suffer in noticeable ways such as, hair and eyelash loss, easily breaking and weak nails, nails which can bend almost completely back on themselves (when attempting to open something) - this is often painful or uncomfortable and feels like the whole nail may come off.

Not getting enough iron. This could be classed as diet as well, but it can also be down to something else, periods! If you lose a lot of blood due to heavy periods you can end up with a blood deficiency. This can cause eyelash loss as well as other problems. The best thing to do is to start taking vitamins containing iron. And eat iron rich foods, if you are a meat eater then black pudding and meats contain iron, don't forget vegetables which contain stronger amounts of iron which are more easily broken down by the body than meat is. For vegetarians, spinach, cabbage, broccoli, chickpeas, bran flakes, baked beans, black treacle, muesli, dried figs, dried apricots, boiled eggs, asparagus, brown rice, wholemeal bread, peanut butter. Iron absorption is increased markedly by eating foods containing vitamin C along with foods containing iron.

Over eating bad foods. Anything unhealthy if eaten too regularly can affect your health, this if often shown in warning signs such as brittle nails, hair and eyelash loss, stress, anger/ mood swings, depression etc. Cheese when over eaten (especially cows cheese) can cause skin problems such as spots and heavy rashes. Sugar has much the same effect, but its more addictive. Over eating any bad foods can cause you to develop an intolerance to them. It is possible to become lactose intolerant to just cheese but not milk.

Pregnancy. During pregnancy the body will lose most of its vitamin intake, this can affect teeth, nails, hair and skin. Take plenty of vitamins and eat well. Also after having your baby, it may still be a problem or if you did not suffer this during pregnancy could become a problem for you. Take plenty of vitamins making sure they contain iron. Eat healthily.


Stress, depression etc.

Stress. This is a major cause of many health problems. Medicine should be considered. Chinese and herbal remedies are far better than any pharmaceutical drugs. The effects of herbal and Chinese medicine are long term and do not have any nasty side affects (which in pharmaceutical drug cases tend to defeat the purpose of taking the medication in the first place), things such as acupuncture, detox cupping, remedies etc can all help lower stress levels. Even something as simple as a massage can have great results in lowering stress levels.

If this is not affordable to you, buy some essential oils such as lavender and mix 5 drops with a small amount of milk and pour under hot running water at bath time (the milk helps the oil mix better with the bath water), this can help calm the body. Buy your own massage oil or may it from mixing essential oils with olive oil for a sweet smelling and cheaper massage. Massages can help relieve tension in the body, in turn relaxing you greatly. The pressure should alternate from being gentle to applying a little more pressure for deeper tension. Don't just go for the obvious the back and shoulders, all over body massages are great and also do not neglect the fore head and hair, this is where most stress starts in the head. On the forehead, rub the temples in a circular motion, then rub up and down the temples, next roll the bottom of your hand across the fore head and temples. This is how the Chinese massage the head, to help relieve headaches and stress.

Depression. This is known to cause many health problems some noticeable, some not. St johns wort is quite effective for depression, and many homeopathic remedies or Bach flower remedies can help with depression.

Bach flower remedy link:
http://www.rainbowcrystal.com/bach/bach2.html

Link for homeopathic remedies:
http://www.elixirs.com/prodSearch.cfm?ProductName=&ProductCategory=Depression

For best results look up remedies that suit your symptoms. Or visit a health professional who works with these remedies who can prescribe you with the best remedy for your needs.

Hair can sometimes be neglected when it comes to caring for it, or can become damaged due to daily styling and product use. Here are some helpful tips to get damaged, dull, greasy or lifeless hair back to the best of health.

The shampoo you use is very important in the upkeep of your hair, some cheaper ones can damage sensitive hair.

11 Quick spot treatments:

Here are some quick fix spot treatments, to be used for an emergency only. But remember every one's skin type is different, you have find what works for you. I would only recommend this as a way to get rid of annoyingly big or noticeable spots in time for an important event. But the best method of getting rid of spots is in my article "How to get spot free skin:". This will effectively get rid of spots and give you clearer skin, occasional spots may occur but they will be minor and go down easily with the continued routine mentioned in the article. Now for some of those quick fixes:

• Oxy, emergency zit blitz gel. - This reduces spots redness and size in as little as four hours.

• Clearasil ultra deep pore treatment pads. - These while they do not miraculously get rid of the spot, holding one against the spot for a few minutes or more makes the spot white and easier to cover with make up.

• Tea tree oil - This does help reduce the size of spots.

• Tea tree blemish gel. - Available at boots, this is great for spots that are ready to squeeze, never squeeze red spots. This gel quickly reduces the size of spots.

• Toothpaste. - If you leave this on overnight, it can help to reduce the size of red spots.

• Calamine lotion. - I have never actually tried this one myself, but apparently it works very well.

• Sudocrem. - Leave on overnight, it can help minimize breakouts. Not effective on everyone.

• Nail polish remover. - Helps reduce redness and size of big spots.

• Moisturising. - This does not clear spots, but it does stop the dryness of spots which allows better make up coverage of spots.

• Clearasil facial washes. - Over a few days this can help make skin clearer. Wash with warm water, rinse with cold water and pat dry.

• Cleanse, tone and moisturize. - This is get all dirt and make up out of the skin to unclog the pores. This can help prevent breakouts or the further spreading of spots on the face.

While these remedies can help to get rid of spots in a hurry, it is not a long term spot treatment or prevention. These methods will not work on all skin types and some skin types may be slightly more sensitive than others to these products. Never use more than one spot treatment at a time, this can aggravate the skin making spots even worse. Number 11, can be used along with spot treatments and should be followed if you use make up or your skin is exposed to high levels of pollution or dirt.

How to get spot free skin:

After a few weeks, these steps will make your skin much clearer. Make sure you complete all the steps for the best results.

• First of all wash your face with a really good but gentle face wash. Wash using warm water, be gentle with the skin, rinse with cold water to close the pores, pat dry with a towel.

• Leave skin for 5 minutes, to ensure fully dry, 10 minutes if you have been showering or bathing.

• Next take some "oxy on the spot" cream and squeeze enough to cover half of your first two fingers in a zig zag line. Gently smooth the cream over your face, making sure it is fully absorbed. Make sure that you only lightly glide the cream across the face (this takes longer, but it allows the cream to better penetrate the skin, it also stops any form of aggravation).

• Leave your skin for 15 minutes.

• Lastly moisturize the skin, make sure you get a really good moisturizer. Ones with aloe Vera or jojoba oil work well, and keep skin from drying out too much.

For the first two weeks follow the above routine completely. After two weeks use two finger fulls of cream in a zig zag line. The reason for this is the skin needs time to get used to the cream. If you use the full amount too soon it will dry your skin out, which will make the spots look and feel worse. With this routine the skin may get a little drier than usual, but it will settle down if you keep moisturising, use a smaller amount of moisturizer than the amount of cream you are using.

A great way to really hydrate the skin is boots plant extract moisturising face mask. This can be left on over night for the best effects. Please continue the regime even if you experience a little drying of the skin, if your skin gets too dry then use less cream and moisturize more often during the day. However if you experience any irritation, stop using the cream.

Let me know how this routine works for you, i will be happy to answer any questions. I will be posting more skin treatments and other health and beauty care. Any subject you wish me to write about, please feel free to leave a request and i will do my best to meet your requirements!

Web of lies!

If you knew, how I'm feeling right now,

You wouldn't dare to come to my house,

All i can think, is you will never be there for me,

Is this for real?

Keep on telling your lies,

While your out there having your fun,

I wait at home for you,

Its late, but i can't sleep again,

How the hell can you expect love from me,

Your lies take all my energy,

Arguing, its always the same,

You don't want time with me, just spending all of my money

Your always out, while I'm waiting in,

This doesn't feel right to me,

I need a man that can recognise me,

Don't put me on the shelf, until the next time you want something,

I did everything for you,

I put up with all these things,

And look what this brings,

I can't believe what I'm seeing,

Is she worth losing me, cause that's the price you're going to pay,

Don't you come home to me,

You'll never know what you're missing,

And I will burn everything,

If it reminds me of this, misery.

If i hide from what is truly happening,

Will you say that i am blind?

Its the only way i can deny,

The pain i keep inside.

You keep on telling your lies,

Its not you, when you wear a disguise,

I hate you, but it doesn't feel any better,

I curse you, but its all i can do to stop the crying,

How could you break my heart,

Cheating on me, was it worth all you sacrificed?

I won't be deceived again,

You might fool me once, but you won't fool me twice,

Revenge will be sweeter,

You'll suffer you cheater,

See i strongly believe in an eye for an eye,

Its not worth denying, the truth will come calling,

I know now, you were never really there,

Even when i was in despair,

Its one thing to knock my confidence in you,

But another to let my daughter down,

When we did so much for you and yours.

I won't wait for the dark clouds,

Rain will fall, but i'll still dance,

If it means so much to you,

Would you walk in the snow, to come to me?

E

So tell me, how would you feel if this was you?

Avoided, to deny the rights of friends,

Each time it is your turn, your never there,

So how can you expect what you so readily forget?

N

Tears for you!

It did not help to wash to the tears from my face,

They still fall down,

When each insult reminds me of my pain,

Didn't you realize harsh words never leave,

A tortured soul will forever know.

You pretend to be attentive outside,

Inside you are heartless towards me,

You should have tried,

My tears i have cried for you,

Bitterness is all we know,

It never changes,

But the anger grows.

Were you looking for the answer?

I cannot mention, what i do not know,

You ask me to fix,

The things i never break.

I'll close my eyes, but i will not sleep,

I may dream of better things,

But it always ends,

Then we are back where we started again.

From hell.

I'm right here, do you see me?

Can you feel me, I'm still breathing,

Not yet dead,

I called to you, from the other side

Do you hear me?

Did you notice, i was broken anyway

Does anyone care?

Is anyone even there?

Everything i said, i may have meant it,

But only at that time,

So if i say why, would you hurt me?

Again.

I'm still here, i never really left,

Not quite a ghost,

But still invisible to you,

Its not my presence that offends,

It is all the memories,

And guilt that brings,

There's a place where my lost dreams died,

Find me there, i am lost inside,

You could have saved me,

It was too late to save myself,

I jumped too fast, because my heart was broken.

Do not believe i am dead,

My heart didn't stop beating,

Though shattered, it can still bleed,

Though broken i can still mend.

Even in death i feel your pain.

Is this the only escape?

Damaged by the hate you bring,

I feel your evil presence inside of me,

Like a dark cloud i am haunted by this curse,

Following me even in my sleep,

In the nightmares i am more awake.

In my shattered existence, there is one escape,

Distracting myself, with a new found pain,

As the blade digs through, i feel my release,

If i went too far this time, do not save me,

In death i am truly free.

An apology cannot take this hurt from me,

It's not OK, i feel so crazy,

Bruises may heal,

But your words cut so deep.

I am fragile inside,
Easily convinced of each new failure you find,

I make mistakes, i do not deny,

But you are without sin,

Though the example you set, is all i can see.

I cannot keep up with all your new rules,

I cannot live my life, for fear of your disapproval,

So live in your double standard,

If it pleases you, i will never be right,

So just leave me this way,

Crying in to my hands,

I still fight to keep back each tear,

I will not give you the satisfaction,

Of enjoying all you did.

I have now found the way,

It became clear while you were beating me,

Its either you or me,

The escape is sweet, when your blood drips on to me.

Do you see the sadness in my eyes,

Beaten down by each of your lies,

Yet you still ask me how i am?

I am feeling blue,

Its all down to you.

I am not afraid,

When you threaten me,

Whatever you do to me, i will do to you,

Don't tell me not to speak,

I will never be silenced.

If you