I'm sorry, I love you!

I don't know how to fix this now,
Wish I'd never broken it,
Don't quite know why I do these things,
Destroying all that could have been,
My only wish is to end your suffering,
Please let me end your pain, mend your broken heart,

I've never allowed myself any happiness,
Never felt I deserved it,
I guess this is why,
I guess this proves I deserve to suffer heartache,
I am and should be hurting,

I killed any chance of being with you,
I pushed you away,
Now you won't come back,
I'd ask you to but I know I don't deserve it,
I know that I'm not worthy,
To walk beside you ever again,
To hold your hand again,
Feel your loving glance,

I'll never forgive myself,
I won't stop punishing myself,
You should be free from all this hurt,
You should be happy in your life,
Loved for all your worth,
Seen for all you are and can be,

I wanted to give you everything,
Allowed myself to let you in,
Don't know why I did this then,
I cannot change the hurt I bring,
I'm sorry and I love you,
I cannot breath without you,
But I must do,
To allow you to get past this,
To help you move on with your life,

I have no right to ask anything of you,
I wouldn't dream of ever questioning you,
Or your motives,
Just promise me one thing,
Promise me you'll find the happiness you deserve,
Never let what happened destroy everything you are,
Don't let it ruin your life,
Or you'll end up just like me,
Lonely for the rest of my days,
Hated for my stupidity,
Resented for my actions,
Hurting myself just to endure the punishment I deserve!

If I never find the right words to say to you,
I hope this poem explains to you,
I hope that you can forgive me,
Even if you cannot be with me,
Please never leave my life,
I cannot live without you,
Cannot eat without you,
Sleep won't come without you by my side,

All the things I want to say are lost inside my mind,
Everything I want to do can never happen,
It's hard but it's worse for you,
Knowing that I couldn't be what you want me too,
I'm dying inside without you,

I look to you for answers,
Hope for your ever warming comfort,
Even though I haven't earned it,
Can't help the way I'm feeling,

I never understood love,
I've never even been in love before,
Before you came along,
Infatuated with the wrong ones,
Obsessed with the lessor men,
Settling for whoever would hurt me the most,
Until you entered my life,

I look for pain because of all I've done,
Crave death because I want to end the nightmare I created,
Your sadness hurts me more than you will ever know,
Even more so because I caused this pain for you,

I never used to be this way,
I was a faithful and a loving girl,
Somehow everything went wrong,
I never thought I'd hurt you,
I didn't want to break you,
But I know I did,

Because of all I've suffered,
I'm speaking of my lifetime,
I hurt others to protect myself,
Even though in doing so I hurt myself,
It's like a form of security,
In case I come off worse in the end,
From another bad relationship,
Been hurt beyond belief in the past,

It doesn't make it right,
Nothing will excuse it,
I'm not trying to justify my actions,
I just want to offer you the answers,
I know that you are seeking,
To help you understand,
I hope you know it's not your fault.

Don't ever ask me to stop caring,
Without you I am nothing,
My life's not even worth living,
If I can never see your captivating face again,
If I will never breath your sweet scent another time,
Even if only for one last time,

I'll love you for always,
Remember you forever,
I'll always try to be there for you,
Help you in any way I can,
Give you everything,
Do anything you request,

You're in my thoughts and I can't change that,
Wouldn't ever want to,
Couldn't be without your image in my head,
You make me what I am,
In the best possible light,
You are everything I need,
All I've ever wanted,
A dream I've always hoped for,
So far gone from me now,

Everything you gave me,
Wish I could give you all that back,
If it takes forever I'll still try,
Just to make things right with you,

Your love is all that helped me,
I'm broken,
And I can't save myself,
I knew you were the only one who could,
You helped me go on living,
Gave me reason to get out of bed,
To think and plan ahead,
You are my future,
Without you time just seems to stand still,

Nothing works without you,
You are my entire world,
I'm drowning here cut off from you and all your kindness,
It's my comeuppance for what I've done,

I won't even try to save myself because I want to suffer,

I want to hurt for all the pain I've ever caused you.

And all that's left now is to tell you,

One last time,

I love you and I'm sorry,

There's nothing without you!

After all that's happened,

The fights and madness,

I'm still in love with you,

Can't picture a future without you,

Sometimes people ask me,

What makes you happy,

I cannot explain that,

Your touch, your kiss, your presence consumes me,

When I'm here with you, nothing can harm me,

I stand alone!

In every dark night,

I stand alone,

No one understands my pain,

A cry from the heart of insanity,

It will go unheard,

Those who are not yet there, prefer to ignore,

You need not pay me no head,

I am not dangerous enough to be your enemy,

I turn you stab me in the back,

I fall you walk upon me,

What restless resentment you must have for me,

Does my presence offend you so,

Did I break the boundaries,

The force that you bring,

I just wish to be amongst the free,

I walk you attempt to trip me,

I breath you try to suffocate me,

What is your problem with me,

I didn't do a thing,

Is my appearance not quite to your taste,

Does this provoke your hatred of me,

In this life, I will suffer much pain,

I believe this to be my calling,

I am alive you kill me,

I survive you break me,

Endless despisal,

Air of supremacy

Please redirect your evil energies,

I suggest you abide by me,

I am not yet ready to leave this place,

Your effortless abhorrence does not offend me,

You will not get rid of me.

I am here to stay for now,

So get used to my sight,

You will not destroy me,

In the darkness I will wait alone,

I stand on my own...

The darkness...

Help, where were you when I fell,

I'm not falling anymore,

You didn't save me,

You were never there,

Home, where is that now,

When you pushed me far away...

Now I am only what you make of me,

Not quite sane but not yet crazy,

But edging nearer by the day...

Does this leave you questioning our fate,

Pain, my only friend,

Its like the knife understands,

It's blood I crave,

How, have I lost myself again,

Mind you're my greatest enemy,

These thoughts keep building,

Up in my head...

And I have done it again,

Destroyed some perfect day with my rage,

Life's not worth living anyway,

I don't need to deal with the pain,

I can't escape my fear today...

I am lost inside my head again,

Bad thoughts creeping up on me always,

Silence and the darkness are all I crave,

Seeking distance from everything real,

Phone stop ringing in my ear,

I won't answer you today,

Why won't you stop calling here...

You don't realise I want to be left...

Alone...

Damsel in distress.

Freedom seems so far from me,

Trapped, I've long lost all hope,

You push me underneath your big feet,

Trample on my dreams,

My dreams lead me far from here,

My fairytale love awaits me,

Broken hearts don't mend SO easily,

And mine is shattered in to pieces...

Your insults bleed me of my sanity,

My strength is long gone,

Pain burns right through me,

I enjoy it, but not this way,

And I'm only young,

So what do I know of love?

I've never felt anything even close...

To true love,

Infatuation is all that I've known,

And true love should be a fairytale,

Not a living hell,

I'm just a damsel in distress,

Won't you come rescue me,

Save me from this hell,

You always feared he would come one day,

My white knight to rescue me,

Carry me far away from here,

Well I guess that time has come...

You're always trying to break me down,

Now you see that I am strong,

I walk around untouched by you,

Your insults go unheard,

My love for him has consumed me,

I feel nothing else,
I finally understand that you needed me,

Far more than I ever needed you,

And he loves me completely,

Even with all my faults,

You always tried to change me,

I was forced to grow up way too quickly,

You stole six years of my life,

And destroyed everything I know,

My true love mends the pain I bleed,

And fixes all you did to me,

He's the one I lean on readily,

I fall in to his arms when you try to shatter me,

You're no longer worthy of my thoughts.

After all this time you think you can still influence me,

Stepping up as if you own me,

Cheap words are meaningless to me,

You don't mean it when you say you love me,

A player kicking game is all I see,

Telling me I'm all you need,

Right through me.

You're finally speaking to me,

It's as if you've always known me,

Pretending like we're the best of friends,

Please stop these silly mind games,

You know that I don't like to play this way with you,

Look through me,

Like any other day,

You would normally walk right through me,

I am not invisible to you today?

I'd rather just ignore you,

There's not one single reason I should acknowledge you,

Your feeble existence just annoys me,

It's plain to see you're angry,

Just because I speak my mind,

I don't follow you around,

Like a mindless zombie,

Stay silent,

You're trying to patronise me,

Acting like you understand my pain,

The reason I misbehave like no one cares,

If I try hard enough,

One day, maybe, I will smoke and drink myself to death,
Again you're looking through me,

You say you do, but you don't understand,

Would you even notice?

If I cease to exist,

Would you ever try to find me,

When I run far away from you,

You know that I don't want you,

But you're still holding on to this,

So why are you still holding on to this?

You know that I will not return to you,

You changed me,

For better or for worse now,

This is who I am,

So don't pretend to know me,

I'm not the same young girl you once corrupted,

Walk right through me,

It's fair to say you left me here for dead,

You disturb me,

My peaceful dreams are laid to rest,

And then begins the nightmares,

Like living inside a horror movie,

And you're haunting me in every one,

It's fading,

My link towards the real world is almost dead,

Fantasy remains my freedom from this hell,

You're breaking,

I no longer see you standing there,

Your voice is lower than a whisper to me now,

And as they say ignorance is truly bliss.