I'm sorry, I love you!

I don't know how to fix this now,
Wish I'd never broken it,
Don't quite know why I do these things,
Destroying all that could have been,
My only wish is to end your suffering,
Please let me end your pain, mend your broken heart,

I've never allowed myself any happiness,
Never felt I deserved it,
I guess this is why,
I guess this proves I deserve to suffer heartache,
I am and should be hurting,

I killed any chance of being with you,
I pushed you away,
Now you won't come back,
I'd ask you to but I know I don't deserve it,
I know that I'm not worthy,
To walk beside you ever again,
To hold your hand again,
Feel your loving glance,

I'll never forgive myself,
I won't stop punishing myself,
You should be free from all this hurt,
You should be happy in your life,
Loved for all your worth,
Seen for all you are and can be,

I wanted to give you everything,
Allowed myself to let you in,
Don't know why I did this then,
I cannot change the hurt I bring,
I'm sorry and I love you,
I cannot breath without you,
But I must do,
To allow you to get past this,
To help you move on with your life,

I have no right to ask anything of you,
I wouldn't dream of ever questioning you,
Or your motives,
Just promise me one thing,
Promise me you'll find the happiness you deserve,
Never let what happened destroy everything you are,
Don't let it ruin your life,
Or you'll end up just like me,
Lonely for the rest of my days,
Hated for my stupidity,
Resented for my actions,
Hurting myself just to endure the punishment I deserve!

If I never find the right words to say to you,
I hope this poem explains to you,
I hope that you can forgive me,
Even if you cannot be with me,
Please never leave my life,
I cannot live without you,
Cannot eat without you,
Sleep won't come without you by my side,

All the things I want to say are lost inside my mind,
Everything I want to do can never happen,
It's hard but it's worse for you,
Knowing that I couldn't be what you want me too,
I'm dying inside without you,

I look to you for answers,
Hope for your ever warming comfort,
Even though I haven't earned it,
Can't help the way I'm feeling,

I never understood love,
I've never even been in love before,
Before you came along,
Infatuated with the wrong ones,
Obsessed with the lessor men,
Settling for whoever would hurt me the most,
Until you entered my life,

I look for pain because of all I've done,
Crave death because I want to end the nightmare I created,
Your sadness hurts me more than you will ever know,
Even more so because I caused this pain for you,

I never used to be this way,
I was a faithful and a loving girl,
Somehow everything went wrong,
I never thought I'd hurt you,
I didn't want to break you,
But I know I did,

Because of all I've suffered,
I'm speaking of my lifetime,
I hurt others to protect myself,
Even though in doing so I hurt myself,
It's like a form of security,
In case I come off worse in the end,
From another bad relationship,
Been hurt beyond belief in the past,

It doesn't make it right,
Nothing will excuse it,
I'm not trying to justify my actions,
I just want to offer you the answers,
I know that you are seeking,
To help you understand,
I hope you know it's not your fault.

Don't ever ask me to stop caring,
Without you I am nothing,
My life's not even worth living,
If I can never see your captivating face again,
If I will never breath your sweet scent another time,
Even if only for one last time,

I'll love you for always,
Remember you forever,
I'll always try to be there for you,
Help you in any way I can,
Give you everything,
Do anything you request,

You're in my thoughts and I can't change that,
Wouldn't ever want to,
Couldn't be without your image in my head,
You make me what I am,
In the best possible light,
You are everything I need,
All I've ever wanted,
A dream I've always hoped for,
So far gone from me now,

Everything you gave me,
Wish I could give you all that back,
If it takes forever I'll still try,
Just to make things right with you,

Your love is all that helped me,
I'm broken,
And I can't save myself,
I knew you were the only one who could,
You helped me go on living,
Gave me reason to get out of bed,
To think and plan ahead,
You are my future,
Without you time just seems to stand still,

Nothing works without you,
You are my entire world,
I'm drowning here cut off from you and all your kindness,
It's my comeuppance for what I've done,

I won't even try to save myself because I want to suffer,

I want to hurt for all the pain I've ever caused you.

And all that's left now is to tell you,

One last time,

I love you and I'm sorry,

There's nothing without you!

After all that's happened,

The fights and madness,

I'm still in love with you,

Can't picture a future without you,

Sometimes people ask me,

What makes you happy,

I cannot explain that,

Your touch, your kiss, your presence consumes me,

When I'm here with you, nothing can harm me,